Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
