I smell stomach acid.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
