omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
