Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
