I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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