If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Shame is for Republicans.
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