Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
