You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
