I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
