Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
