She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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