dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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