I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
