i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
