I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
