well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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