so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Randomize
