for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
