There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
