the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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