I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Who died my cat blue again?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
