Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
