i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
