Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
