6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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