There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
