Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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