Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Holy sore nipples Batman
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
