I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
