i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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