Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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