NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
