Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
