paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
