i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
