haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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