the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
