I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
