we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
