My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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