I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
