dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
