Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
