I wish I could teleport
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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