i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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