my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
