You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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