dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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