Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
