you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
