i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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