Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
