Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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