what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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