just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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