how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
