those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
