sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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