so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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