I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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