My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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