The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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