she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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