is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
