So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
