A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I believe in your delicious
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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