i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
