"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
