whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
As shirtless as possible
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
