the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
