After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
