We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My penis needs a shock collar
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
