Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
